"B-R-O-K-E-N, B-R-O-K-E-N, B-R-O-K-E-N and broken is my name-o"...Tha Connoisseur - I'm Broken
That right there is a lyric from my new song "I'm Broken", that I just wrote as I was sitting here. You have to sing it to Bingo to get the effect. I cannot explain what my thirty-something year old body feels like today. I will go into the whole shebang for Wednesday's post, but do know that right now, to me, objects may seem closer than they appear. THAT is where my head is at today.
So I know you missed it last week, therefore I dragged my ass out of party recovery mode to bring y'all my Monday Madness. Please bear in mind that I was not able to put in my two cents on happenings from last week, so there may be some "old" news in here.
Here is Monday Madness-last week's news that made me cringe, cuss or shake my head:
1) Cheatin' Summamma...: Well this one had me in stitches and you will see why. A jilted husband auctions his cheating and lying hoochie of a wife on Ebay. He didn't want to deal with her ass after taking her back and having her run out on him again, so he decided the next best thing would be to pawn her off on some doltish unsuspecting chap. PRECIOUS. (Ms. Virgo)
2) SERIOUSLY DISNEY?!! : Ok, I am a Disney lover, I mean really who isn't? But when I read about the lovely (I hope you hear the sarcastic tone in this) gold adornments that are going to be sold as part of their Caribbean "Dead Man's Chest" Collection, I nearly had a conniption. The idiots are planning to sell a "gold noose", YES a noose, "obey" and "blonde" pendants. Like I am going to wear that with pride or think of purchasing that blasted crap as a keepsake and hanging it around my neck (how ironic), are you kidding me? WTF were they thinking?! Mickey, Minnie and the crew need to talk to their chief rocker, cause he is obviously sniffing too much of Tinkerbell's sprinkle dust.
3) My ever growing disdain for 50 Cent: This is a bit old, seeing that now he is in a bitter fight with the mother of his son. Not to mention there's the notion put out there by his ex, that he started the blaze at their NJ mansion on the weekend, that burned down to a crisp. However, I chose to show his more chauvinistic side or should I say true colors that were displayed when Rocsi of 106 & Park BET fame, told the damn truth. During the whole showdown between 50 Cent and Kanye, Rocsi blatantly stated on video that "50's album is garbage!" and honestly, she wasn't lying. So in retaliation, our boy Two Quarters, decided that name calling was the way to go and called Rocsi a hoe and said that he knows some guys she has been around the block with. Now, I am sorry, usually when a grown ass man gets to name calling it means that he can't use the little pea brain he was given to come up with anything else. And let us not forget, he must be just livid because what she said was obviously the truth and most likely Rocsi didn't give him none when he asked. Ohhh the after effects of a deflated ego.
4) Ummm...WHAAAHAAPPPENNED!?: I love the website Crunk & Disorderly, it is one of my guilty pleasures. They are so gully over there, it is no joke. Well I stumbled on this one day and I was speechless, yet entranced by the mystical creature. Now I am sorry yet again, but listen up - I don't care if you are my people or not, you do this to yourself, you will be put on BLAST by me. Whatthehellisgoingon??!! Check it out for yourselves, if anything you will get your laugh of the day or perhaps even the week...
5) Sex and my City: Ha ha, I'm not sharing that with you! However, I wanted to share an excerpt of an article I read yesterday over on Time.com that put a big smile on my face. The writer of the article, Mr. Richard Corliss, wrote a review on Sex and the City and what he thought of it. Well it wasn't one of the most positive reviews, however his synopsis was so well written, it had me giggling the whole way through.
"Carrie and Mr. Big have finally decided to migrate red, but he gets clef toed and is a how son at the my encore. Instead of her oh no money, Carrie spends time at a Mars excretion being consolidates in the company of her patchy times friends, who have their own lob sperm. Miranda has boredom issues with Steve, who is briefly a flu fun hit, provoking her to have lime. Charlotte, who has radiated glop but still hopes to vibe right, finds out that she angers pint. And Samantha gets axe sully distracted by the sight of a lewd lewd eon gent next door. Miranda and Carrie have a gainful lot because one of them told the beau of the other to seal stingy, but the two circle one on a weeny verse. At the end, all the stories are resolved la hippy, as our four femmes go nab a dingo by drinking tampon colossi."
Now for those of you who have not seen the movie as yet, there may or may not be some spoilers mentioned. I guess it's all in perception, however you can find the corrected words at the end of his article.
Flashback of the day: I had no idea what to go with today seeing that my brain is not really fully functioning right now, so this is a random pick. Enjoy!
Alright, again...see you on Wednesday when I am lucid...